Last post.

To those of you who actually read this hoping to get some little snipit that will brighten your day, this will be difficult to say. But those of you who stumble across this blog through Google or whatever search engine, no need to be upset.

I leave for college tomorrow, and find that I will not have the time, desire, or aspiration to continue this blog. It's fallen to the back burner in my life, and I don't want to say that I might continue it when I know it won't.

So to those of you who had benefited from my attempt at masterfully composing the English language, I'll leave you with this. Consider it my last words, a eulogy for my public journal of life...

"You are wonderful, my dear, but I must move on. There is something deeper that attempts to evade me. I must catch it before it is too late. You have granted me solace in my spiritual and mental whirlwind of life. I look back at my first few posts and see that you are me in words. Just composed into something more beautiful."

Carpe diem!

Seize the day. How cliche, yet how profound. In another translation, the phrase says "pluck the day." Today I purchased a t-shirt at Old Navy, my favorite store, with the phrase "carpe diem" felted onto the front. What struck me most was the relevance of the phrase to a resolution I had to myself the day before, after a long time of pondering my situation in life.

I said to myself, my life is nothing spectacular. I need some excitement. Then I thought about my stance on my future. I seemed to know what I would be doing down to the month for the next nine years. I can't live like that. There are so many things wrong with that picture and method of life-planning, that I just cannot afford to do it that way. So I decided, in my conscious mind, to make a change in my planning strategy of life. To do what I can and should each and every day, because I truly don't know what tomorrow will, or even if there will a tomorrow. Of course I'll still have my distant future goals, but they are never set in stone, and it's not right to act as though they are.

No one but the Lord knows how long the universe will last, and no one but the Lord knows how long we will last. I say, carpe diem! Take what is yours and run with it, each and every day. Don't let anyone stop you from achieving what you know God wants from you. Give Him yourself, and show Him what you can do in 24 hours. There is so much to do and so little time. Prioritize your life, and life it like it should be lived! That is the best way to travel through time, to make history.

But don't aspire to be written down in History books. Nobody reads them anyway. Aspire to be engraved in peoples' memories. Give them hope, especially if you are young. Show the people of the world, there is something in our generation that the world can't live without. We bring true hope for the future. We live for tomorrow, but know today might be our last.

This is how your day should go.

Before you wake up, dream your day in vivid color. Give yourself a chance to dream and imagine what could become of this day, for we never know the exact events of the future. The moment you become aroused from sleep, commit to the Lord the next seventeen waking hours of your life, to the improvement of the lives of the people in the world, and the life of the Church. If you do this, you will see great things.

Step out of bed in a new way, be creative. Get up on the wrong side of the bed on purpose. Carpe diem! Smile to yourself, knowing that you just started another day in the life God has given you. Walk to your kitchen, and eat breakfast. A day that could be your last would be miserable without a good start. Fill your stomach and give your body something to rely on throughout the day for strength.

For the next fifteen hours, LIVE YOUR LIFE!!! Go forth, proclaiming the Good News, doing works to stand up for it. Meet new people and tell them about yourself. You never know when you'll see them again. You never know when you'll need them, or they'll need you. These fifteen hours of your life should be dedicated to the understanding that your are but one person on this earth. There are six billion others. Take small breaks, to refocus yourself on the goal of the day, and reprioritize.

At nightfall, know that you have made a difference in the world. Be it tiny or enormous, you've done something, and hopefully you can't regret it. Because as you climb into bed, sliding under the layers of down comforters and pillows, you'll say to yourself, I've done it! I have seized the day!

Carpe diem et subservio intentio Deo.

Prayer saves

In light of receiving a set of the Liturgy of the Hours today, in an attempt to become comfortable with it before school starts, I thought I'd post what I thought to be a very telling autobiographical essay I wrote.

I titled it "I highly discourage the use of... prayer?" I know it sounds bad, but it made sense when I wrote it. Here goes:

Eighteen years has brought me to this, something of which I can claim no pride. It is a type of laziness, one that somehow encourages a state of mental gaiety, psychological euphoria.

Poverty of the soul starves the spirit of the food it needs. It allows its grumbles of hunger to be ignored and never satisfied. I can't say exactly how long I've had this condition because my prayer life has never, ever been perfect. I've gone days without one clear prayer to a higher being. I've somehow survived for months on end without the sacrament of Reconciliation, doubting, protesting its power.

I was always taught to pray the moment my head hit the pillow in bed. I used to do that, but I stopped a few years ago. No reason, just lazy. These prayers never really meant much anyway. Most times they were just a simple Our Father said reverently, assuming that, even without much thought, that would be sufficient. I was so ignorant.

Now, just about to leave for college, seven and a half hours away, and to join a seminary-preparatory program, I have no experience, other than the bad kind. I should hope by now to know how to at least pray the Liturgy of the Hours. Nope. What's wrong with me?

When I was a child, I never gave much intense thought to God and religion. Never did it cross my mind, that I someday might be the one celebrating the Holy Sacrifice of the Altar. I guess God chooses all kinds. I'm not a saint, and I'm not okay with that.

So many things have come and gone in my life. I've experienced birth and death, marriage and divorce, baptism and apostasy. My family is composed of traditionalists, heretics, orthodox believers, and lukewarm followers, all who call themselves Catholic. Maybe that affected me more than I thought. Perhaps that confusing mass of tradition vs. culture, history vs. truth, is what has really pulled me so awry. It's been rough, but I've somehow come this far to some sort of an end that must justify my path. It truly had been a roller coaster ride through these eighteen years of life, but I will survive. Nothing in this world can kill me faster than a lack of faith, and I'll never let that happen. It's not worth it.

So there you go. I bit of my pondering as to where I've been with God and prayer. It's not thing special, but I'm sure some can relate. Once again, I ask your prayers as I enter a program that is made for discernment. I can only hope that the call gets stronger.

Heartwrenching news

Two days ago, I found out news of a very disconcerting character.

After an academic awards night at my high school, where the scholastic bowl and WYSE teams were recognized, and the scholarship winners were also announced, I went on a walk with my best friend. The weather was gorgeous: a slight breeze, 70 degrees, the sun was just below the horizon. It was the nicest night I had ever taken a walk, and I'm glad I did.

While we were walking, we passed the church where our parochial vicar, also present at the awards night, was outside checking the mailbox. We stopped and spoke with him, and I invited him to go on the walk with us. We waited around a few minutes for him, and left shortly after. It was a good thing that I asked him to go with us, for it gave him a chance to tell us something that I think he needed to share.

About half a mile into the walk, I asked him what he had meant by having some sad news, included in one of his latest blog posts. I asked if it was what I assumed, and he said it was.

He said, "I'm being transferred." These three words struck deep in my heart, him becoming a close friend over the last four years. It definitely struck his heart too, as many times as he took a deep breath to continue the story. He explained how, as a member of the board that decides where priests are to be stationed in our diocese, this was especially difficult for him. It was at one of these meetings that the bishop told him he would be moving.

As we kept walking, he spoke of the few people he had already told, and the emotions that many of them experienced. Some of the sophomore boys, with whom he is very close, took the news very sadly. I understand where they were coming from, seeing as he had been a positive force for the entire student body in his time here. He truly has had a profound effect on students, more so than he can ever imagine.

His move will take place some time within the next five month or so, and in that time, he has pledged to be as involved as ever. Many of the plans he had made in the last few months for the next school year will never take place, and he is heartbroken to know that. He must know how profound of effect his presence has had on the entire parish, especially the high school.

So to him I say this: You are an inspiration to all who know you. Your inspiration has much improved the school atmosphere, both discipline and spirituality. You have encouraged reception in the sacraments, and such encouragement has obviously had an effect. Your presence had also had an unbelievable effect on me. I owe my present moral and spiritual situation to you. Without your encouragement, I would be in a state of confusion and despair. You may have some idea as to your effect on me, but there is something much greater. With news of your transferal, there was a bittersweet foreshadowing of my future, something that made me want to follow God's call even more. Watching and experiencing your first position with you has made me understand that it will definitely be worth it. Thank you for your guidance. You will always be in my prayers.

High School= Drama

I'm so glad I wrote the fore-published letter and posted it. I have no regrets, and would only like to hear some feedback, even if you have no clue who are class really is. I think I have sense of humor, and some people don't. I'm fine with that.

Newspaper Drama

Who knew being the editor-in-chief of a high school newspaper could cause so much drama. I could have experienced a simple senior year, free from complications and too much authority interaction. I happened to make the possibly regrettable decision of volunteering as the head of the newspaper, possibly the most controversial thing in our high school currently.

This is what I wanted: to be controversial, to raise eyebrows and blood pressure, to see peoples' reactions on their faces. I shot for emotions and reactions, and I got it.

The majority of the newspaper consisted of a survey we had taken of the student body a few weeks ago, and I published the responses and some comments. The last page was meant to be a joke, consisting of a letter of recommendation for my class, the Class of 2009. Based off the suggestion of a classmate, I wrote it late at night, and I found it to be hilarious. Evidently it wasn't so obvious that it was a joke. Well, I somehow managed to have four copies of the letter circulate around the school before the newspapers were handed out anyway, and everyone that read/heard it absolutely loved it. Even the teachers that read it thought it to be hilarious.

I'm not sure what next month's paper will consist of, but surely it will be even more provocative. I don't like to be the center of drama, but I sure like to incite it.

Update: I decided to include the letter, just for fun.

To Whom it May Concern:

I am writing this letter in recommendation of the Class of 2009. Their scholastic ability, love for service, and extreme desire to succeed is obvious, and such characteristics are what I find fitting of a deserving recipient of any award.

The Class of 2009 has many strong points: forty-nine to be exact. Each and every part of them works together as though they were a well-oiled machine, never fixated on failure, or regretful of mistakes, but continually pursuant of the dream of success in the world. Their successes far outnumber their failures, and each one of them can claim some part in their outstanding approval ratings as one united body.

They love to dream, to spend countless hours in bed imagining the things they could do, thinking of the things they are capable of. Sometimes, their dreaming attitude gets the best of them, and they dream up through class. Some, so eager to dream that they cannot wait until the school day is over, dream right through class. They know that their dreams are just that, but they seek them anyway, knowing that no matter how high the shoot, even if they miss completely, they will still be among the greats in history.

Their academic accomplishments are astounding. Their average ACT is slightly above the national average, and twenty percent of the class was chosen as Illinois State Scholars, from the top ten percent of seniors in the state. They have succeeded in attempting challenging courses, and their drive to succeed academically is overwhelming. They ask questions in class, often to the point of arguing with teachers, not to get their way, but to bring up new and interesting positions on a subject. Such a characteristic shows their great desire for knowledge and experience.

The proverbial statement claims that every rose has its thorns. Not so with the Class of 2009, not so. Their sometimes overwhelming charm has led them to a successful high school career including the following: Three deans of students, two principals, the end of Freshmen-Senior days, Deck the Halls, and boys’ Kairos, just to name a few. They do have a way with people.

Sincerely,
Your Greatest Advocate

If you knew anything about our class, you would see the absolute sarcasm in the letter, and greatly appreciate it.

My pride and joy!

My second cousin, Rose Marie, was baptized this weekend, and I was asked to do the cake and some appetizers for the reception afterward. The appetizers included argentinian chicken satays with cherry-pepper sauce, hot crab and swiss dip, and carmelized onion dip with fresh peppered kettle chips.

The cake was really my favorite part. It was a four layer french-vanilla cake filled with strawberry mousse and white chocolate creme anglaise. It was covered in an orange-liqueur buttercream and topped with strawberry tulips. I took some pictures, seeing as it was favorite thing I've ever made.

Bread of Life retreat

This past weekend was the best retreat I have ever been on. Formerly called Youth 2000, Bread of Life Chicago is run under the office for catechesis and youth ministy of the Archdiocese of Chicago.

I often have difficulty talking about retreat, at least immediately after them, because they are so densely packed with great thoughts, words, prayers, and the like, that I fear I will forget something if I talk about everything else first. I know that someday someone will ask me about this retreat, and I want to be able to remember it: the people, the talks, the prayers, and the testimony.

As a natural introvert, I often enjoy retreats by sitting in the back, listening to others talk about whatever, and just soaking it all in. This time was different. I sat in the front "row" of the circle around the altar, and danced and dang like a freak. It was awesome.

There were so many things said that I hope to be able to recall in the near future. As they come back, I will definitely tell you of them. There is one thing that he been stuck in my mind, at foremost importance, and I would like to share it with you.

It came from a dominican priest who recalled his ordination day. He could hardly walk from an accident the day before, but, during the homily, he remembered the bishop saying this: that if we was to sleep through the homily and get nothing out of it, at least remember this...

"Make you life a monstrance to others."